Speaking Up at Work Starts With Knowing Your Values
- Natalie Lukkenaer
- Jan 11
- 3 min read
I still remember a moment at work when I didn’t speak up, and how deeply I regretted it.
It happened at the German School in Nairobi. A German colleague made hurtful and disrespectful remarks about a student, based on assumptions about his gender identity. As a teacher, and as a human being, this crossed a line for me.
Four values sit at the core of who I am in my work: freedom, authenticity, respect, and integrity. All children are equal. They deserve to be spoken about with dignity. And as educators, it is our responsibility to create an environment where children can be themselves, authentic and true to who they are.
Yet, in the moment that my colleague spoke so negatively, I stayed silent.
I knew exactly how wrong it was; my heart started beating faster, and I felt a shiver going down my spine. I stayed silent because I was new at the school, shocked, and afraid of creating conflict. In my mind, this colleague was one of my few supporters. I carried a familiar voice many professionals know all too well: imposter syndrome. I was the only music teacher with no formal teaching certification to teach secondary school, yet I had been in music education for over a decade.
So I chose silence. The worst I could have done.
When Silence Goes Against Your Integrity
What made this moment so painful was the fact that staying silent went directly against my values. I still carry that moment with me, nearly 8 years later.
And this is something I see over and over again in my coaching work: people think they struggle to speak up because they’re “not assertive enough,” while the real struggle is an internal conflict between values, safety and belonging.
In hindsight, I know exactly what I would have wanted to say:
“I’m not comfortable with the way you’re speaking about this child. This goes against everything I stand for. He deserves respect from you and all of us. As teachers, our job is to create a safe place where he can discover who he is and how he identifies”.
Clear. Grounded. Value-based.
Values Are Context-Based — and That Matters
Our values don’t exist in isolation. They show up differently depending on where we are, who we are talking to. Living and working in different cultural contexts, and later returning to the Netherlands, made this even clearer to me. What is considered “direct” in one place can feel confrontational in another. What is labeled as “silence” can sometimes be respect, caution or care.
Speaking up, therefore, is not about being louder or more outspoken. It’s about alignment:
Does what I say, or don’t say, align with who I want to be in this context?
What Changed for Me
During my NLP coaching training, I revisited this moment. Today, I do speak up, openly sharing my perspective, grounded in my values while being mindful and respectful of those of my conversation partners.
I’ve learned that integrity doesn’t mean reacting instantly every time; but it does mean not abandoning yourself. And sometimes, speaking up is less about correcting the other person and more about staying true to yourself.
A Question for You
Before your next difficult conversation at work, ask yourself:
Which of my values is being touched here?
What am I protecting by staying silent?
What might I lose, internally if I don’t speak?
What would it sound like to speak from integrity rather than fear?
Speaking up becomes a lot less heavy when it’s no longer about being right, but about being aligned.
On 20 January, I’m hosting a live online workshop called Voice Your Values. In this webinar, we explore how your values were shaped, how they show up at work, and how they can guide you in speaking with more clarity a
nd integrity in professional settings.
🗓 20 January | 9.30–11.00 CET
Live webinar (English) €9
Buy your tickets:
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